Moving On When Feeling Still In Love: Is It Even Possible?
How to Get Over Your Love Even Though You Broke It Off
There are times when, for some reason or another, you decide that breaking off a relationship is the best thing to do. Getting over someone you care about but had to let go is a process, but you can move forward with your life. Get over the person you broke it off with by getting some distance from them and the memories, taking steps to heal emotionally and distracting yourself with constructive activities.
Letting Go of the Old Relationship
Cut off contact.After the breakup is behind you, go cold turkey and stop contacting your ex. It won't do either of you any good carrying on contact right away. Even if you choose to be friends in the future, it's best to take time apart to rediscover who you are in your own.
- Remove your ex from your contacts list on your phone, email, and other media.
Detox from social media.Pulling the plug on social media can be good for the spirit, especially following a split. Resist the urge to lurk on your ex’s page, check up on their friends, or spend hours looking at your old pictures together. Taking a short detox can help you move forward without suffering.
- Some people are tempted to publicize their breakups or make their exes jealous through social media. Logging off for a week or so can help you avoid any drama you might later regret.
Put away the memories.The next order of business is getting some distance from things that remind you of your ex. Sort through any gifts and mementos and decide whether to return, trash, or store them.
Try not to talk about them.Letting go of the person you broke it off with also means cutting down on the amount of time you spend talking about them. Challenge yourself to gradually stop saying their name or retelling stories about them.
- Ask your friends and family members to gently remind you when you keep bringing up the person's name.
- You can also put a rubber band on your wrist and snap it against your skin whenever you say your ex’s name to distinguish the behavior.
Healing Yourself after Ending a Relationship
Get closure.To move on, you need to close off the chapter that includes your ex. Perform a closure ritual to say goodbye emotionally.
- Try writing a letter and reading it aloud as if they could hear you getting some final thoughts off your chest. Tear the letter to pieces when you're done. Just remember to resist the urge to send it.
- Pack away any mementos and briefly reflect on the highlights of the relationship. As you tape up the last box, mentally let go of the past and welcome the future.
Remember your choice.Keep in mind that, for some reason, you chose to break things off with your ex. Moving on can be hard, but you must honor that choice.
- Remind yourself of all the reasons you wanted the relationship to end. Make a list and review it whenever you have doubts about your decision.
- For example, your ex may have been really controlling, causing you to feel suffocated in the relationship. Or your friends and family may have not approved of your ex. These are both good reasons why you may have chosen to break things off.
Nurture yourself.Letting go of a relationship is mentally and emotionally stressful, even when the decision was necessary. Be gentle with yourself for awhile. Carve out time to do your favorite relaxing activities.
- Self-care looks different for everyone. You might want to walk through the woods, call a friend, paint your nails, or cuddle with a pet. Just do things that make you feel good.
- Getting extra physical activity, be it more time at the gym or a walk during your lunch break, can help you manage stress and anxiety.
List qualities you want in a future partner.Past relationships can serve as guideposts for what you do and don't want in the future. Once the initial pain has faded, reflect on your relationship. Grab a pen and jot down any lessons you've learned that can be useful in future relationships.
- For instance, your partner may have been very clingy and possessive, which pushed you away. In the future, you might desire a partner who is self-confident and has their own interests and friends.
See a counselor.Sometimes, you need a nudge to move forward after breaking off a relationship. If you don't have anyone to talk to or have trouble going about your daily life, talking to a counselor can help.
- Ask your primary care physician for a referral to see a mental health counselor in your area.
Distracting Yourself after a Breakup
Set SMART goals.The end of a relationship is as good a time as any to forge ahead towards achieving your dreams. Now that you're single, you can refocus on what you want out of life. sit down and write out a few SMART goals for the next year.
- SMART goals are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time-bound.
- For instance, you might set a goal to gain admission into college, which requires you to get good grades, volunteer, and get recommendations from your teachers.
Learn something new.Use your free time to develop a new skill. There has to be something you've put off learning or never had time for due to your relationship. You now have the opportunity to pick up new skills and hobbies.
- For example, you might decide to learn how to code or learn how to ride a horse.
Modify your routine.Getting out of a relationship can feel awkward at first because you likely have holes in your schedule that used to be reserved for couple activities. Change your daily and weekly schedule, filling your hours with constructive activities.
- You might start a new morning routine of running or doing yoga before school or work. Or you might start a new Friday game night tradition with your best friends.
Spend time with friends and family.Those closest to you can help lift your spirits after a breakup. They may also distract you from thoughts of your ex. Reach out to friends and family and let them know you need their support.
- Say, “I've been having a tough time since the breakup. Want to get together this weekend? I could use some friend time.”
QuestionWhat if I really love him still but I don't want to get back with him for a reason?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerIt's okay to love someone, but still know that you can't be with them. Just focus on your future and keep yourself busy. When you do think of your ex, send them love and light and hope that they are doing well.Thanks!
QuestionI broke up with a guy i really loved but I felt that he was not my type but still I cant get over him even when I try. I think about him daily. So what should I do should we go back together or what?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerIt takes time to get over a relationship, especially one involving love. Just because you can't get over him doesn't mean you should be with him. Give yourself more time.Thanks!
QuestionWhat if you wanna go back with him but he moved on?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerIf your ex has moved on, you have no choice but to respect that and try to move on as well. Get some space from him and keep yourself busy to get him off your mind for the time being.Thanks!
QuestionWe are neighbors. How do I avoid him?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerYou don't necessarily have to avoid him--just wave or greet him politely and go about your business. Keep things civil since you'll have to see him often.Thanks!
Last May, I broke up with my girlfriend for reasons that now seem to be something I could have talked through with her. We're friends and she's dating someone, but now I'm falling for her. Advice?
What do you do when you broke things off with your ex but feel like you still love him or regret breaking things off, how do you go about the situation?
My boyfriend cheated me again. We are 6 years together. We're trying to fix but she still meet this lady, what should I do?
I just ended a 6 year relationship with my boyfriend and we have a 2 year old child. How do I get over him while I still have to see him regularly?
I broke up with my ex solely because my family dissapproved and it was causing a strain on our family relationship. My relationship with my boyfriend had to be kept a secret. Am I better off alone?
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