Dealing with Unfair & Unreasonable People
How to Deal With Unreasonables
We all have those people in our lives that are just about completely insane - they may know they're wrong, but they still push their way just for principle; they think everyone is against them, therefore everything you do is to irritate them; basically they are largely unreasonable, and seemingly impossible to live with. Well, be prepared to apply a little logic, because I'm about to show you that there is no impossibility.
First, you have to get to know them.If you're good at reading people you just met, this will be a breeze for you. You need to know some key aspects of this person: What little things frequently make him/her angry? Does this person yell/scream often? How quickly does this person get to that breaking point?
If you know these things, you know how to keep them to explosions as little as possible, and what type of anger you're looking at, which will help you to deal with your unruly person.
Once you know a bit about your person, you can try to figure out what kind of person he/she is.There are three types of unreasonable people:
The Arguer- Argues frequently, often for little or no reason whatsoever.
Arguers will often have little idea what they're talking about, but once they say something, they won't give up, insisting that they're right and you are an idiot, even if they have been shown to be wrong, but they just don't want to admit it.
The Explosive- Freak out at the tiniest thing, trying to make you feel like a moron.
Explosives are a bit of a variation from Arguers. They will argue a lot, but more violently, sometimes yelling or even pushing and hitting until you cave. Explosives don't usually lash out at people they don't know well, but they can sometimes. People that they do know avoid them and decide "It's not worth it."
The Passive-aggressive- They won't argue, but are still very unreasonable. They use avoidance, silent treatment, and make you feel guilty or confused without directly showing their aggression.
They use body language to show you they're angry, and that you are in big trouble. Often they will try to pretend like they're not angry, but you know.
- The Arguer- Argues frequently, often for little or no reason whatsoever.
Okay, so now that you know what type of unreasonable you're dealing with, you can start to be able to handle him/her.The most important thing to remember when dealing with anunreasonableis that one will often not give up without a fight, no matter how small the issue may be.
Consider talking to the unreasonable, saying "not everything needs an argument," and that "being right isn't that important in life." Sometimes, if you let them know how you're feeling, they'll try to tone it down a bit. Other people, however don't do well talking things out.
If you are one of those who doesn't like talking (Recessive), you probably need some tips for how to deal with the talkative unreasonable.
- In the case of Arguers: if they say something wrong, and you want to correct them, or say something that may start an argument, think to yourself: Is being right really important right now? Is this an issue really worth getting into a big hubbub about? A lot of the time, the answer will be no, and in this case, I would let it go, ignore, it, or, just agree: "Okay." Would it really matter if you allow yourself to lose andbe wronga few times?
- In the case of explosives: try to use the arguer strategy before they get out of control: give-in. This isn't always possible, sometimes an Explosive can catch you off guard when you thought there was nothing wrong. If they do get into a screaming spree, sometimes, it will still work to just agree, give in, but make sure you don't do it in a way that seems passive-aggressive (sulking), this drives explosives nuts.
- Avoid any arguments after giving in, because while an explosive is calming down, he/she is still a ticking bomb. The tiniest of things could set him/her off, he/she may even be looking for things to get mad about.
- Just pretend that nothing is wrong. Act like they are having a civil conversation, but don't make a point of it. If you seem to obviously ignoring the outburst, this comes out as very passive-aggressive.
- Remove all emotions from your way of being, except serious and calm. Don't react to their explosions. Don't act angry, scared, happy, sad, or even some degrees of nonchalant. Justbeafter a while, your unreasonable may get bored of the fact that he/she is getting no reaction from you. This helps things.
- In the case of passive-aggressiveness: it is a first reaction to get angry. Passive-aggression is meant to make a person irritated and tense, meant to hit them silently but bitterly. It's hard, sometimes to ignore this, because it may make you so angry to be given the silent treatment, but you need to put real effort into it. You shouldn't strike back with passive-aggression (going into a sulk or withdrawing), because that would just make things worse for you. Act nonchalant to their passive anger.
Act like you don't get it that they're angry or why.Try to lighten the mood, even. Don't laugh, though, don't gethappyall of a sudden, this will make your unreasonable very angry.
Quickly change the subject.If you can get to a lighter topic, you might be able to switch him/her to a happier mind set, which is definitely a plus.
QuestionWhat should I do if my boyfriend gets angry if I won't go to meet him and he threatens to break up?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerLet him know that you have independent interests and things to do in life, too. Controlling people need to know that you're willing to enforce your personal boundaries.Thanks!
QuestionHow can I deal with a teacher that is unreasonable? I think she's an explosive.wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerTry not to trigger her by fulfilling all your responsibilities, and be prepared if she starts lashing out at you. If she is extremely unreasonable and greatly affecting you, consider informing your principal about the teacher's behavior with your classmates who have witnessed multiple incidents of your teacher being unreasonable, in order to seem more credible with a larger number of people.Thanks!
QuestionHow do I get my sister to stop being the arguer?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerDon't rise to her bait. She'll try to coax you into an argument, but do not answer. Be comfortable with the fact that you're being the mature person.Thanks!
QuestionMy landlady is explosive. She's condescending and assassinates my character often. What should I do?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerSometimes the best thing you can do if you haven't been able to reason with her is to look for another apartment. If that is not feasible and you have to stay put, keeping your interaction professional on your side and limited to only what is absolutely necessary will allow you to have the 'breathing room' so she doesn't tear you down.Thanks!
QuestionHow do I cope with a girl who ditched me after I helped her and is now very rude and unreasonable?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerYou should ask her if there is any reason why she is being rude, so you know if you have done anything wrong.Thanks!
QuestionWe are trying to figure out who gets time on electronics. The person in question is explosive up until questioned why they are angry, then switches to be passive aggressive. How do I deal with them?Maeve KraybillCommunity AnswerBe fair. First get everything necessary out of the way (any projects that you need to get done for work or school). If one person has such a project, they should get to finish that before anybody plays. If both of you have that type of project, take turns, maybe an hour each until one of you gets it done, then the other should have it for the rest of the time that they need to finish the project. If you are in a situation where neither of you has a project to complete, or the device is solely recreational, just take turns. Do rock-paper-scissors if nobody volunteers to take the second turn, and start with turns of about an hour, or whatever amount of time works for you.Thanks!
- Never react with anger to meet your unreasonable anger. Then you would be unreasonable in return. Sometimes, unreasonable people only act the way they do to get a reaction, and you're playing into their hands, which is what they want. It doesn't make the situation any better.
- Change the subject as quickly and as gracefully as you can. If you can change his/her state of mind to a better one and make him/her forget that he/she is angry, you are in the clear.
- When you know an argument is about to start, try changing the topic to avoid it.
- Another most untenable type is theangry, controlling oppressor personality disorderthat makes it almost impossible to continue in relationships for more than a few days or weeks as they become more and more unreasonable as they attempt to learn how to control you (the platitude "familiarity breeds contempt" comes true) in an impossibly obnoxious manner.
- Never lash out in anger. Nobody likes angry people, and angry people like angry people even less. Do your best to avoid yelling matches.
- If you're afraid that these tips may lead to violent behavior, or situations getting much worse, don't use them. Like, I said, not all unreasonables are the same, and they might react differently than what I am used to.
- Not all unreasonables are the same. In fact, there are probably unreasonables out there that aren't even listed above.
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